The Unseen Shame
Leaving a religion you've been part of for a long time is really tough. For me, after 24 years as a Seventh-day Adventist (SDA) member and defending their beliefs, stepping away wasn't just a change in what I believe; it was a huge change in who I am. Even though I know so much about their teachings, it seems my old friends don't understand. There's a kind of shame in what they're doing that they don't even realize.
Repeating Old Arguments
The clearest example of this shame is how they talk to me now. When they try to get me to come back, they just repeat the same favorite arguments and Bible verses. I've heard and defended these arguments countless times over two decades! It's like they think I was never part of their group, or that I don't know anything about their faith. This shows they really don't understand my experience, and it's actually embarrassing for them, though they don't see it.
Don't They Realize?
Don't they feel bad for saying things I already know so well? My many years of being an SDA member and defending their beliefs mean I understand their teachings deeply. I probably know more about their doctrine than most current members. Really, they should be listening to me to understand why I left and the questions I had. But instead, they push their views as if I'm clueless. It's a kind of arrogance that's pretty hard to watch.
A Blind Spot
When someone keeps telling you things you already know, without realizing you're already an expert, it's often called a lack of self-awareness or being mentally inflexible. It means they can't really look at how they're acting and change to fit the situation. It's not like they're being rude on purpose. Instead, it's more like they just can't see the full picture or truly listen and learn.
The Irony
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